i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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