shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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