just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
