1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
