Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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