Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
