We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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