So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hippo gnu deer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
