I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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