just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
