apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need to stop coming to work sober
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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