I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
