I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
