we're blogging at a bar
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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