someone owes me an orgasm
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
