he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
