No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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