I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
