I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
