i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
