hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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