so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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