Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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