of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bring me that man meat
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
