just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
