i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
