I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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