Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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