We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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