I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
