After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
