Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
