Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
