Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
