So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
