I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What a dumb baby whore.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
