my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
