Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
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Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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