A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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