I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
worst night to have a conscience
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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