I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
