we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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