My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
