then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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