how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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