Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
