there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
