my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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