Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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