You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
