There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
