Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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