I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the liver wants what the liver wants
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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