Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
