DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
