I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
