you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
