no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
