drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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