dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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