So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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