I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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