i just had sex bonerless
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
