Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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