its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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