I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
